But Are They Identical?

It’s not a question you expect to hear when you have identical twins. Yet it’s one of the most common questions I get from people who have actually met my kids.

”Are they identical?”, uttered in a musing tone, like the person has been pondering it for a while and finally summoned up the courage.

Isn’t it obvious, either way?

To my eye, my two boys always looked different since birth. There was no doubt, until we left the hospital after a week’s stay. Because everyone else kept mixing them up, I feared that one day, I too would wake up and not be able to tell them apart. A nurse told us that some parents of twins put bracelets of different colours on them.

And so, once at home, I ended up cutting an old t-shirt and making a blue anklet for one of the boys. His name almost rhymed with blue and that was how we remembered which one had the blue anklet. Now I could imagine this turning into an endless thing, with strings tied to my fingers, hastily scribbled iPhone notes and illegible post-its here and there, a reminder of a reminder of which one it was given to. But we didn’t forget which one had the anklet and I didn’t need it in any case. He wore it for the first few days, or perhaps a week. They always looked different to me.

Later on, to help daycare teachers tell our kids apart, we tried another tip from the never-ending list of twin parent life hacks. In addition to not dressing them identically, we took them to get different haircuts. The boys looked adorably cute getting their hair professionally cut and styled into two different-lengthed daddy-haircuts, and the barber gave them lollipops as we left.

A while ago, I was walking behind two teenaged girls when it struck me that they were dressed entirely identically. It seemed their strict, teenage fashion sense only approved of certain carefully selected items. I assumed they were classmates and probably not related, but from behind, they looked identical.

Now fashion is an interesting story. People express their inner selves with clothing, but it still seems like a sort of uniform to me. The more unique the look, the more of an armour it is – a shield, a statement of confidence. I belong to this tribe, and not that, don’t you dare confuse me with them. Then there are those who, like those teenaged girls, desperately want to blend in and belong.

A while ago, a page in an ad print caught my eye. It was a free magazine sent to me by a department store I used to like. It said,

“Fashionable children follow the trendiest brands and get inspired by the styles of celebrity children.”

I could hardly believe my eyes. How early do they want kids to start following influencers on social media and have self-doubts about their looks? The children in the photos were about 3 to 6 years old. The toddlers and barely-preschoolers were dressed in ugly-on-purpose clothes and colours, a trend I’ve never understood. The clothes were ridiculously priced. It’s in the eye of the beholder.

Yes, my twins are identical, but if you pay attention, I’m sure you can tell them apart.