Geese Don’t Like Reggaeton

Picture this: a picnic on green grass in a nice park. No one else in sight. You and your picnic buddies spread your blankets, sit down, and take out your treats: strawberries, sandwiches, cold drinks.

You have a nice moment of serenity, looking at the green. You see a glimpse of the sea between trees. The sun is warming your back pleasantly.

And then… where did they come from? A large flock of geese is heading your way. It looks like they aren’t moving, most of them chewing steadily away at the beautiful green grass, oblivious to the park surroundings. But moving they are, faster than you’d think. They’ve almost reached you. And they are plenty. They munch and poop in a reliable, non-stop manner, leaving a sticky, stinking trail of brown where there used to be fresh green.

Oh no, says a picnic buddy. We’re gonna have to leave. They don’t care for humans and they have little ones with them.

You agree, remembering the experience you had last summer when one attacked you – these geese look so tall when they stretch up to attack picnicking humans who happen to be sitting in their path. Two of your picnic buddies are animal-loving little children, and you feel pretty sure the geese are heavier than they are. An emerging fight would easily be won by the geese.

While you are processing all this, and lamenting the fact that you have to leave so early, you notice how they are moving your way. The leader stretches his head like a meerkat, looking you in the eye, fearless. He is evaluating you. Calculating.

Then you have a thought… They aren’t afraid of humans, but you never see them crashing a large event. What if you played some music, would that scare them off? Could they be fooled into thinking there were crowds of human allies behind the bushes, dancing and drinking noisily?

It’s worth a try, but you need to hurry. As quickly as you can, you dig your iPhone out of your bag. Fingers trembling, you open your “Favourite songs” list on Spotify and press play without looking. It’s reggaeton or Latin Pop, a summery tune in Spanish, and the volume is stuck quite low. The song is too relaxed and cheerful, not the mood you were looking for. Heavy metal might work better, but it’s not on your list. Why aren’t the volume settings working?!

As you are busy fidgeting with your phone, you miss seeing that the geese have definitely registered what just happened, low volume or not, and they do not agree with your music taste. When you finally look up, the leader is turning his head left and right, listening. And then something unexpected happens: they all turn around at once, telepathically it seems, and head back to wherever they came from. In minutes, they are gone. All of them.

What?!
you think. My favourite songs did this?! Are you serious? The geese wobble away, the tiniest ones running to keep up, their tail feathers wiggling in quite an adorable way. Even the flock of geese further away on another lawn have disappeared after hearing your music choice. Problem solved, as easy as that!

These geese have been a debated topic for years: protected and hated, rendering parks and seaside areas unfit for recreational use. They carry the bird flu. They are not adorable. And no one has been able to come up with a solution to get rid of them in a violence-free manner. Until now! Maybe this is your road to becoming self-sufficient financially? Should you sell your solution to the highest bidder? Patent it? Perhaps your name will forever be marked in Wikipedia as Known for geese-moving tactics. They’ll build statues.

And seagulls and pigeons will land on the statues’ heads.

40 responses to “Geese Don’t Like Reggaeton

  1. Lol! You are going to be rich! It surely is an idea! I’m going to try when I’m passing the geese commnunity in my neighbouring pond again. They don’t even blink anymore when you almost step on their toes, or whatever that is called with geese. See what music affects them. Slipnot? Or the Eagles? Or… wait…. Lordi! Or indeed Reggaeton, wich I’m now gonna google. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Quick thinking! I hadn’t realised that geese were so aggressive. We have a similar problem here, but more in the spring when they’re nesting. The swarms do make a mess & humane elimination is a problem. One well meaning but misguided mayor thought to cull them and give the meat to the poor. Except no one wanted to eat Canada goose for dinner!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hah! I think people must be eating them somewhere, for sure. They are not a native species for us; they suddenly appeared less than a decade ago and are quite invasive. Then again, warmer weather is also bringing us more and more ticks, so maybe they are helpfully snacking on ticks while eating grass, who knows?!?! I haven’t checked! 😀 They fly away somewhere warm as soon as it gets cooler – like I wish I could, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I had no idea this was an issue! Mob rule by geese! I definitely think there is an app in there, and I can see the logo now, an animated gif of the little geese wagging their tail.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That first image is exceptionally pretty and yes spring for us is just around the corner. Geese with attitude and I’ve been chased on a few occasions trying to take photos!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I remember you writing about your grouchy geese. They’re not to be messed with – along with swans! Congratulations on your reggaeton solution (though I don’t know what reggaeton is). You should definitely get a statue for this discovery. I would probably have tried playing the Bee Gees, but that’s probably because of a trauma I suffered when I was younger!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. hahahhahahahaha!!! This was a fun read! And that brilliant photo. We had a recent experience with geese that left my little one a bit shaken up.We were visiting family in Maryland and taking a walk around a pond, when my brother in law made the mistake of dropping a cracker he was eating (why was he eating while walking…we are yet to get an answer on that from him!). A flock of geese were resting on the grass, leading to the pond, and one of them sensed the cracker or something- they came, all together, at us and we had to almost run to escape their march. Once they figured we were walking faster and it would be difficult for them to catch us, they went back into the water and began chasing us through that route! I was terrified too…never had I heard or seen something like that before! I am going to keep my music library ready to be played! Have a wonderful weekend, Snow <3<3

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, Moon! Thanks for your lovely comment! ❤ I see you know exactly what I'm talking about!!! Geese really can get aggressive – once you've experienced it first-hand, you really do pay attention to them if they are coming your way! Sometimes I see people letting their toddlers taunt a goose at the edge of the gaggle, and I think, "tourist"! I'm happy to hear that you guys escaped intact, however! Maybe your little wizard will soon learn to think of it as a funny experience – children are more forgiving than we grown-ups tend to be! 🙂 Take care, and happy weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha – this is great! I might have guessed that reggaeton was too cheerful to drive anything away (I love it myself), but I’m glad it did! I’m still trying to imagine what Manja’s “Slovenian Oberkrainer Avsenik beef music” is (horrified face here)! The two photos are so pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

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